I Miss My Daddy (Tearjerker Warning)

My Daddy and my baby brother (Jamey).

Jamey was about 1.5 in this picture; he will be 24 in a few weeks.

The other day my brother and his wife and four of their six children were over visiting with my mom (very rare). Then I showed up with my two children, after which a friend of my brother's came over to help my mom with something. Later my other brother showed up. We had a house full and I cooked a spaghetti feast for everyone.

It was so reminiscent of the old days when none of us (me and my siblings) were married or had children, but we were all out of our parent's house. From time to time we all showed up and most times with a friend, maybe two. We could always find my dad cooking or grilling something and there was always enough to share even if he hadn't planned on having us over. It was such a fun time and always so loud. He was the only thing missing, I thought the other day, as I was cooking, corralling children, practicing violence intervention and prevention, watching the Backyardigan's, changing diapers, and leading sing-along's. For if he was there, I would not have had to cook and he would have shared some of the "kid duties" with me.

My mother was having a moment yesterday and I am sure the "whole house full" is what triggered it for her. In my effort to keep her calm I overlooked my own feelings, which came rushing in this morning as I admired my most prized piece of jewelry - my gold and diamond tennis bracelet.

It is not the most spectacular thing you have ever seen and I don't even wear much gold and wore none at the time that it was gifted to me. But the year I got married, right around my birthday (Feb 11) and Valentine's Day, my dad stopped by unexpectedly. I was in the kitchen cooking or something and not really paying much attention to him. He was standing there awkwardly holding a long, white jewelry box as we chatted about what he had been up to that day. I didn't even pay much attention to the box because I assumed it was a Valentine's gift for my mom and he wanted me to wrap it, as had been our tradition on many special occasions and holidays. I finally took a pause as he explained that he had been someplace that had a jewelry sale and that he had picked up something really special.

Here's the clincher and the sweetest moment I think he and I shared during my adult life. Up until that point he had been blasting me about my bad choices in men. He told me that he knew that I would be getting married soon and that I would have a new man in my life, but that I would always be his little girl and since this was my last single birthday and Valentine's Day he wanted to give me something special. He handed me the box and there was my bracelet. If I had known that he wasn't going to be with us for much longer; I would have jumped into his arms and showered him with kisses of gratitude and appreciation. I did give him a very hardy thank you - we didn't used to be huggers in my immediate family - we are now.

I didn't even wear the bracelet for a long time because I didn't have anything to go with it. But now that he's not here, it doesn't matter. I wear it when I feel like it and I have tried to collect some coordinates. The bracelet has replaced my grandmother's white gold and diamond Swiss watch that I only wear on special occasions (last time was my Daddy's wake in 2004 and time before that was my wedding in 2003) as my most prized piece of jewelry.

So today as I looked at it on my arm in staff meeting I got teary eyed. I am so sorry that he missed out on the rest of our lives and all of the grandchildren. Although he had acquired five by my and Kobi's marriages there had been only one birth at the time of his death - Kamron (six months then, 4 yrs now). We've had three more since then. But I am most grateful that I got a full 30 years out of him. It would take me 1000+ blogs to share all of the memories and good things about him. So I'll end it here. I love you, Daddy and I miss you dearly. RIP!